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BJ's Fit for Football is a fitness video by BJ Smith that is advertised on the radio in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. In 1986, it was available on Beta and VHS, two popular home video formats of the time.

Ads[]

The following are transcribed from radio ads in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

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Transcript
BJ Smith: Hi, I'm BJ Smith, football player, businessman and father of eighteen adorable kids. Throughout my career, my coach pumped me so full of steroids and hatred I couldn't feel pain. Shoot, I even break my own leg for fun! They made me play when I was ill or injured, and that was because I'm a little more than a piece of meat to them. And now, you can too, with BJ's Fit for Football. I'll take you through all the necessary steps to get fit for football and sticking it to the man! Using only a 400-pound duffel bag, luxurious gym, massive intakes of steroids and a personal oxygen mask, you will be amazed as all those pounds fall off and flabs turn to muscle. Hell, you'd want to whoop some ass, 'cause you'll be fighting fit! You'll learn how to argue with officials, beat up enormous men, break legs and lose weight, especially in the brain. BJ's Fit for Football, out now on Beta and VHS. Remember, to win in a game of football, or life, you have to annihilate everything in your path... in a blind rage!

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Transcript
BJ Smith: Hi, I'm BJ Smith. In my long and illustrious three-year career at the top of pro football, I whooped some serious ass and got paid for it. They didn't call me "Death in Tight Pants" for nothing. When you had such a rewarding career of maiming others as I have, you know how to stay fit, through running, wrestling, stuffing twenties down panties of foxy strippers, far-out training for days in a suit and beating the hell out of your fellow man.
A bone crack is heard, followed by a man screaming.
BJ Smith: That's what keeps me healthy, and now, using training methods I've perfected, it's going to work for you, with BJ's Fit for Football. Watch those pounds fall off. I'm down to 300 pounds using exactly the method I've demonstrated on tape. I mean, who are you going to trust to get you fit? A man who can rip your arm off and beat you with the wet end, or some aerobics instructor who wouldn't get drafted by the local hopscotch team? Hell no! BJ's Fit for Football, out now on Beta and VHS. Remember, to win in a game of football, or life, you have to annihilate everything in your path... in a blind rage!
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