- "When you've followed the trail to that thieving SPANK-head, waste him!"
- ―El Burro.
Claude goes to the payphone in Hepburn Heights, which is ringing. El Burro instructs Claude to follow a SPANKED-up thief who has stolen the latest copy of Donkey Does Dallas and collect the copies as they fly out of the back of a van. After collecting all the magazines, Claude kills the thief and then returns the magazines to XXXMags in the Red Light District.
In order to complete the mission the player must:
- Get in the van
- Collect the copies of the magazine and follow the trail to the thief
- Whack the thief
- Take the van to the back of XXXMags
The reward for completion of the mission is $20,000 and the unlocking of the Turismo race, El Burro's first mission. The Portland safehouse will also be seen with stacks of pornographic magazines thereafter.
- The mission name may be a reference to an erected penis.
- It is not necessary to collect all magazines, but it is essential if the player wants to gain an extra second.
- Somewhere along the Head Radio Building, while collecting magazines, a police radio will report "donkey porn being dropped along the Portland area." It is odd, as no police are involved in the mission.
- This mission is hard if you never driven a Rumpo. You must slow a little but also go fast because there are seconds to fail this mission. The biggest tip however, is to never handbrake turn in a Rumpo. This is because the Rumpo is extremely tail heavy and tends to fish tail violently in a handbrake turn, especially at higher speeds. Slow down normally if there ever is a need to turn.
- At the end of the mission, some rare pedestrians will appear near XXXMags, these pedestrians never appear on the streets. And they are replaced with pimps on the mobile version.