- "When you've followed the trail to that thieving SPANK-head, waste him!"
- ―El Burro.
Claude goes to the payphone in Hepburn Heights, which is ringing. El Burro instructs Claude to follow a SPANKED-up thief who has stolen the latest copy of Donkey Does Dallas and collect the copies as they fly out of the back of a van. After collecting all the magazines, Claude kills the thief and then returns the magazines to XXXMags in the Red Light District.
In order to complete the mission the player must:
- Get in the van
- Collect the copies of the magazine and follow the trail to the thief
- Whack the thief
- Take the van to the back of XXXMags
The reward for completion of the mission is $20,000 and the unlocking of the Turismo race, El Burro's first mission. The Portland safehouse will also be seen with stacks of pornographic magazines thereafter.
Tips & Tricks
It is not actually necessary to pick up all of the magazines on the trail. Because of this, there are several shortcuts that can be taken by players to save time.
- One is to do a U-turn immediately when starting and pick up the magazines at the Chinatown subway.
- Another is to turn left where the trail goes forward at the Saint Mark's intersection leading off to the Supasave and drive directly to the port.
Either way, the player must be wary of time, as not picking up magazines reduces the additional time bonuses being added.
- The mission name may be a reference to an erect penis.
- Somewhere along the Head Radio Building, while collecting magazines, a police radio will report "donkey porn being dropped along the Portland area." It is odd, as no police are involved in the mission.
- This mission is hard if the player has never driven a Rumpo. The player must slow a little but also go fast because there are seconds to fail this mission. The biggest tip however, is to never handbrake turn in a Rumpo. This is because the Rumpo is extremely tail heavy and tends to fish tail violently in a handbrake turn, especially at higher speeds. Slow down normally if there ever is a need to turn.
- At the end of the mission, some rare pedestrians will appear near XXXMags, these pedestrians never appear on the streets.
- They are replaced with pimps on the mobile version.