| Male announcer: |
This portion of LCFR is brought to you by Salivex - tastes like your own saliva. |
| Female announcer: |
Don't hold your breath, Breathing World is next. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
If you throw away a soda can, you waste more energy than a billion of the world's poor people use a day. In the time it takes for you to sit down and watch one TV show, a million children will have starved to death. Science has proven that people didn't eat animals until a few years ago, and if we continue to eat animals, the aborigine people of the rainforest will die, the entire world could stop breathing any second. So, welcome to Breathing World with me, Melissa Chowder. On today's show, we look at female empowerment in Britain through composting toilets. Our first guest has done more to help the planet than, like, anyone. He's Crow, C-R-O-W. You're looking good. |
| Crow: |
Thanks, love. It's all new yoga, total enlightenment's quite a trip! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Yeah, nobody would think you used to attend a private boarding school, then you were a street urchin in London, then a sex artist... |
| Crow: |
Alright, I'm still rock & roll, babe, only now, I'm also caring. The world, man, it breaks my heart, and trust me, Crow has a big heart! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Great, Crow, that is so great. Uh, you're not the first rocker with a conscience, obviously, but you certainly make a lot of noise about your work, helping indigenous people. |
| Crow: |
In some ways, we're all indigenous. Remember what I told you, Melissa, when I met you in the rainforest? |
| Melissa Chowder: |
You said this will get me the knighthood, if I'm lucky. |
| Crow: |
Yeah, well, it should! Born humble Crow, born humble soon, Sir Crow, finally, Lord Crow of Crow - humble man, but also a great one! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
So, anyway, Crow, tell me about the Crowfest '98. |
| Crow: |
Well, it's a loot, '98'll go very big. I had to bring world music and rock & roll and charitable giving together in an irresistible package. |
| Crow: |
6 years ago, I promised the world I would stop singing to end hunger and protest the loss of indigenous species. Of course, I broke that promise. The world was glad I did, even starving people, or-or people who can only speak gibberish can enjoy ethnically diverse rock & roll! It was wrong of me to hold something back. With Crowfest, I'll be holding nothing back. We're gonna be saving the world through yoga, rock & roll, and just a little bit of devilish charm. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Wow. So, you're helping a lot of indigenous tribes? |
| Crow: |
Yes, absolutely! They get no questions asked, don't thank me, I'm rock & roll 25%. |
| Crow: |
Yes, a very symbolic number. You have to understand the balance - 25% music, 25% commuting with nature, and the rest is, is...well, it's all this, see, you might say I eat bark, and salmon, and frogs, and apparently lizards is for the hallucinogens, but to me, it's medicine, right? |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Okay, yeah, I guess so. |
| Crow: |
Well, alright, exactly, Melissa! I was talking to my wife the other day while we were relaxing between rounds of tantric sex, and she said "Crow, you're a great man." and I said "Yeah, but I can still be humble.", she said "You've got a massive penis!" |
| Crow: |
--and I said "I know it was a shame! I had a good cause, but ultimately they were holding me back.", then she said "I love you," and I said "I know, that's why I left my first wife and four young kids!", and she said "That's really spiritual, you know what I mean?" |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Y-yeah, I think so. Um, so, anyway, I've read on the internet that your real name is Bernard Gordon? |
| Crow: |
Don't say that name ever again! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Well, I was just, I mean... |
| Crow: |
That man is dead to me! Dead, you hear me? That's why I don't have a driver's license and have to travel by limo or private jet. When the old me died, I really felt like to do something, I mean I have been so blessed, it is my duty to give something back as an artist and a human being! Listen to this: that chief who appeared on my last album, playing their sacred animal skintight, great blow! Really spiritual, right? With the money he got from his quarter of 1% royalties from me last album, he got himself a submarine! (laughs) Dumb bastard lives in the jungle! If that's not freedom, I don't know what is! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Okay, so, anyway, let's take a break. |
| The program takes a break for a commercial. LCFR station ident plays. |
| Male announcer: |
Liberty City Free Radio. We will never sell out to the corporations. And now, for some more underwriting... |
| Man: |
Joshua, what are you doing in here? Is that a nuclear bomb?! Where did you learn how to make this?! |
| Joshua: |
I found out how on the Internet! Ha, I'm finally gonna show that bitch teacher Mrs. Henderson a thing or two about physics! |
| Male announcer: |
The Internet may appear like it's full of information, but most of it's the wrong kind of information, like how to pick locks, steal calls from payphones, and suffocate classmates. Keep off the Internet! This message's brought to you by Citizens United Negating Technology For Life And People's Safety. |
| Breathing World program resumes. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Welcome back, you're on the Breathing World with me, Melissa Chowder. Coming up later, we've got a really interesting piece on K. Varten Holland, but first, a Breathing World exclusive - my special guest megastar and savior, Crow. Crow, this is not the first time we've met, is it? |
| Crow: |
No, Melissa. We met last week in the jungles of Peru when you came to see me recording my new album. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
It was really incredible, I love the jungle. |
| Crow: |
Thanks, yeah. Sometimes I really like to get back to me roots, spiritually. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Yes! You could see that, by the 70-foot RV you had flown in, just how much! The inside was great, and that water-- |
| Crow: |
I need an air conditioned environment for me yoga! I tried a Native American sweat lodge once. I know ways to hallucinate in a much cooler environment, thank you. Anyway, play the tape. That's why I agreed to come on this show, I could have gone on anywhere... |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Okay, okay, well, here's me speaking to Crow lat week in a jungle in Peru. |
| Crow: |
(quietly) Hey, can I get some peppermint tea, please? My digestive tract is bummed out, I need to crap. |
| The program plays the tape of Melissa meeting Crow in Peru. Footsteps are heard. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
I'm here in Peru, looking to visit the river dolphins at a 5-star nature preserve, and--oh my God, that's Crow, wow! Imagine meeting you a-and your PR guy here in the jungle, in Peru! (Crow grunts) Oh, and also a photographer. |
| Crow: |
Alright, who are you? |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Oh, I'm Melissa Chowder, I'm here for the interview and photo opportunity, your people-- |
| Crow: |
Ah, yeah. Hey, listen, I've come here to get me people get away from things. Hey, where's my assistant? Look, you've got five minutes. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Okay, alright. Well, um, you look really at home here in the Peruvian rainforest. |
| Crow: |
Sometimes, it feels like this is where I belong. I mean, it's like an album to stop the catastrophic tragedy of genital mutilation. |
| Crow: |
I would never let anyone mutilate my genitals! |
| Crow: |
I may let 'em have a go at it, but not on a real deal! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Well, that is great, um, but what I really wanted to talk to you about is your inoculation program. |
| Crow: |
Do you love your genitals? |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Oh, uh, well, I...yeah. |
| Crow: |
Can you play a tambourine? |
| Crow: |
W-w-w-wait, listen to this. (rattling noises) That's a penis code. |
| Crow: |
When I shake it, (rattling noises) I make music. I've inoculated every kid in this village, inoculated them against the evils of capitalism! (rattling noises) |
| Melissa Chowder: |
I'm sorry, what? |
| Crow: |
Money would just corrupt in some state, I've repaid them for the cultural education with some beads, something I learned off the Americans! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
You dick! |
| Crow: |
I know, it's huge! Anyway, I spent yesterday doing drugs nobody's heard of. That's the great thing about the Amazon, it's vital to my work! Listen. |
| Crow: |
It's the sound of life. I've tapped into their energy in me new record. It's very important. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Um, you know, I wanted to talk to you for a minute about something that is really beautiful: natural birth. |
| Crow: |
Oh, it's terrible, stretches everything out, like this! (rattling noises) |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Ugh, get off! Oh my God, put that cord back on! |
| Melissa Chowder: |
(drowning out the static) Yeah, that was me meeting Crow last week in the jungles of Peru, and, you know what, I should sue your ass! |
| Crow: |
Ay, when in Rome, love... |
| Melissa Chowder: |
No, Crow. One thing you've long-campaigned against is medication. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
The world is so beautiful. It just never makes sense to me why people would want to mess with it. I mean, I never use drugs or tampons or anything that pollutes the water supply. |
| Crow: |
E...xactly! I mean, a little bit of recreational sport is okay, but malaria tries to do your bloody favor! They kill more people than they save! To be honest, we're all one people! I-I honestly believe that. So right, it's okay if some people die as long as I live! Yin and Yang, you know what, love, I think my down dog is only...fancy a rile. |
| Crow: |
No, no, right, rules, me bars...me bars is life, man! |
| (Crow huffs something and stifles a cough) |
| Crow: |
It's no wonder I was signing meself. Crowd was sayin' "what does the world need? The world needs you, mate!" "Me, mate?" "Yeah, Crow, the world needs you!" I cried. It wasn't complicated in Syria dialogue, fella, but I am a complicated person, unique. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Yeah...you're a rock-and-roll singer with messianic delusions. Really, completely original. You know, I thought you cared about the environment. |
| Crow: |
Melissaaa...look at meehehehe...I am the environment. Look at my soul! Look, I know it's a cliche, "Rock God wants to save the world," but that does not stop it being right, listen! I can have sex for five hours without counting. Me testes swore to come, it's incredible! But really! I'll pay into this tantric sex, love. I met some really important tribal chiefs down in Zimbabwe. They initiate means to try by butchering an endangered lion and killering a neighboring tribe, man! It was beautiful! That's the power of rock-and-roll the way Crow does it! Roll one, love! Crowfest '98! It's for a good cause. |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Great...so you heard it from the horse's mouth, people. |
| Crow: |
The Crow's mouth! It's Crow, not horse-- |
| Melissa Chowder: |
Shut up! Anyway, that's all we have time for. Crow's new album will be out soon, and in the bargain bin shortly after that. This has been Breathing World. Recycle, please! We're all suffocating here!
| Crow (quietly): |
Re-suck on this! |
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