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Castradon

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"And let's be honest, who needs testosterone?"
―Castradon announcer

Castradon is a baldness remedy that eliminates testosterone by attacking the glands that produce it (the testicles). Ironically, in addition to causing sterility, it is adverstised over the radio as increasing a man's sex appeal due to the distaste with which women regard bald men. Castradon is mentioned as a sponsor of car racing on the second episode of The Tight End Zone, a program in West Coast Talk Radio.

Commercial

Woman 1: Wow, look at him.

Woman 2: Yeah, I'd do him right now.

Woman 1: Yeah, me too. If he weren't bald!

Disclaimer: You may not know it, but this happens to every man at least twice a day. If you're balding, you might as well kiss sex goodbye. Even if you're 16 and have a full head of hair, women can tell if you're going to go bald. And that spells trouble. Let's face it - women hate bald men, except basketball players.

What causes baldness? Don't take this the wrong way, but the explanation may be downstairs. It's bald, and it wants you to be, too. Through a partially scientific study, doctors have determined that an abundance of testosterone causes baldness. And let's be honest - who needs testosterone? Now science brings you Castradon. Castradon goes to the glands that produce testosterone, and kills them, protecting your hair and saving your sex life.

Within a few days, you'll notice a big difference. You'll begin to look and feel different. If you're willing to do anything to prevent the unspeakable from happening to you, take Castradon. Remember, baldness is loneliness.

Disclaimer (read quickly): May impair driving time, map-reading, and home improvement skills. Castradon may also cause periodic moodiness, retail addiction, face-painting and menstruation.

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