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'''Ernesto Asaltacunas''' (born in Santa Clara, Cuba) is a twenty-seven year old resident of [[Liberty City in GTA IV|Liberty City]]. He is the star power pitcher for the [[Liberty Swingers]] and has a history of dating very young girls, including thirteen year old heiress [[Jill Von Crastenburg]]. It is implied that Asaltacunas is a pedophile. He has been arrested on two occasions: in [[2005]] for a criminal sex act on a minor and then in [[2006]] for possession of a controlled substance (namely steroids). He was also caught with child pornography, although charges were later dropped, and was the central figure in a 2006 doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.
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{{Infobox character
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|name = Ernesto Asaltacunas
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|image = Unknown.png
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|games = [[Grand Theft Auto IV]]
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|gender = M
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|dob = 1981
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|pob = Santa Clara, Cuba
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|}}
   
Asaltacunas is partially a parody of twin brothers [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jose_Canseco Jose Canseco] and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozzie_Canseco Ozzie Canseco], both Cuban baseball players who used steroids (but never accused of pedophilia). Jose, more notably, was also part of a steroid scandal in 2005 after he accused [[wp:Mark McGwire|Mark McGwire]] and other former teammates of steroid use in his autobiography.
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{{Quote|9 inches, 7 houses, 28 cars... I've always been about the stats and I'm all in favor of anything that encourages my fans to watch me more closely. I love the fact that grown men now fantasize about me just as much as the young girls. It's a turn-on...|Ernesto, on [[Fantasyleaguebatswingers.com]].}}
   
==LCPD Database information==
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'''Ernesto Asaltacunas''' is a character in ''[[Grand Theft Auto IV]]''.
'''Surname''': Asaltacunas
 
   
'''First Name''': Ernesto
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==Biography==
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Ernesto Asaltacunas, born in Santa Clara, [[Cuba]], is the star power pitcher for the [[Liberty Swingers]] and has a history of dating very young girls, including thirteen year old heiress [[Jill Von Crastenburg]]. It is implied that Asaltacunas is a pedophile. He has been arrested on two occasions: in [[2005]] for a criminal sex act on a minor and then in [[2006]] for possession of a controlled substance (namely steroids). He was also caught with child pornography, although charges were later dropped, and was the central figure in a [[2006]] doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.
   
'''Age''': 27
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Asaltacunas is partially a parody of twin brothers [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jose_Canseco Jose Canseco] and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozzie_Canseco Ozzie Canseco], both Cuban baseball players who used steroids (but never accused of pedophilia). Jose, more notably, was also part of a steroid scandal in 2005 after he accused [[wp:Mark McGwire|Mark McGwire]] and other former teammates of steroid use in his autobiography.
   
'''Place of Birth''': Santa Clara, Cuba
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==LCPD Database record==
   
'''Affiliations''': N/A
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<center>
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{|style="width: 650px; padding:20px; background-color:#000033;"
'''Criminal Record''':
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|
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[[File:MugshotNoData-GTAIV.jpg|right|200px]]
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{|
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|width=140|'''Surname''':||Asaltacunas
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|-
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|'''First Name''':||Ernesto
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|-
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|'''Age''':||27
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|-
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|'''Place of Birth''':||Santa Clara, Cuba
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|}
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{|
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|- valign="top"
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|width=120|'''Affiliations''':||
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*N/A
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|- valign="top"
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|'''Criminal Record''':||
 
*2005 - Criminal Sexual Act: Minor
 
*2005 - Criminal Sexual Act: Minor
 
*2006 - Possession Controlled Substance: Steroids
 
*2006 - Possession Controlled Substance: Steroids
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<br />
'''Notes''':
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|}
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{|
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|- valign="top"
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|width=120|'''Notes''':||
 
*Star Power Pitcher for the Liberty Swingers.
 
*Star Power Pitcher for the Liberty Swingers.
 
*History of dating very young girls.
 
*History of dating very young girls.
 
*Believed to have had a relationship with teen heiress Jill Von Crastenburg.
 
*Believed to have had a relationship with teen heiress Jill Von Crastenburg.
 
*Caught in the possession of child pornography but charges were dropped.
 
*Caught in the possession of child pornography but charges were dropped.
*Central figure in a 2006 doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.
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*Central figure in a [[2006]] doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.
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|}
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|}
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</center>
   
 
==Trivia==
 
==Trivia==
*Asaltacunas means "Bassinet Assaulter" in Spanish, possibly referring to his pedophilia.
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*Asaltacunas means "''Cradle Robber''" in Spanish and is a slang term referring people who date or have sexual relations with people under 18, ironically referring to his pedophilia.
   
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==Navigation==
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Asaltacunas, Ernesto}}
 
{{GTA IV Characters}}
 
{{GTA IV Characters}}
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[[hu:Ernesto Asaltacunas]]
 
[[Category:Characters|Asaltacunas, Ernesto]]
 
[[Category:Characters|Asaltacunas, Ernesto]]
 
[[Category:Characters in GTA IV|Asaltacunas, Ernesto]]
 
[[Category:Characters in GTA IV|Asaltacunas, Ernesto]]

Latest revision as of 19:05, March 16, 2014

CHARACTER
Ernesto Asaltacunas
Unknown
Appearance(s): Grand Theft Auto IV
Full name: Ernesto Asaltacunas
Gender:

Male

Date of birth: 1981
Place of birth: Santa Clara, Cuba
"9 inches, 7 houses, 28 cars... I've always been about the stats and I'm all in favor of anything that encourages my fans to watch me more closely. I love the fact that grown men now fantasize about me just as much as the young girls. It's a turn-on..."
―Ernesto, on Fantasyleaguebatswingers.com.

Ernesto Asaltacunas is a character in Grand Theft Auto IV.

BiographyEdit

Ernesto Asaltacunas, born in Santa Clara, Cuba, is the star power pitcher for the Liberty Swingers and has a history of dating very young girls, including thirteen year old heiress Jill Von Crastenburg. It is implied that Asaltacunas is a pedophile. He has been arrested on two occasions: in 2005 for a criminal sex act on a minor and then in 2006 for possession of a controlled substance (namely steroids). He was also caught with child pornography, although charges were later dropped, and was the central figure in a 2006 doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.

Asaltacunas is partially a parody of twin brothers Jose Canseco and Ozzie Canseco, both Cuban baseball players who used steroids (but never accused of pedophilia). Jose, more notably, was also part of a steroid scandal in 2005 after he accused Mark McGwire and other former teammates of steroid use in his autobiography.

LCPD Database recordEdit

MugshotNoData-GTAIV
Surname:Asaltacunas
First Name:Ernesto
Age:27
Place of Birth:Santa Clara, Cuba
Affiliations:
  • N/A
Criminal Record:
  • 2005 - Criminal Sexual Act: Minor
  • 2006 - Possession Controlled Substance: Steroids


Notes:
  • Star Power Pitcher for the Liberty Swingers.
  • History of dating very young girls.
  • Believed to have had a relationship with teen heiress Jill Von Crastenburg.
  • Caught in the possession of child pornography but charges were dropped.
  • Central figure in a 2006 doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.

TriviaEdit

  • Asaltacunas means "Cradle Robber" in Spanish and is a slang term referring people who date or have sexual relations with people under 18, ironically referring to his pedophilia.

NavigationEdit

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