Eugene White is a journalist for the Weazel News in Grand Theft Auto IV. He writes many articles for Weazel News' website, www.weazelnews.com.
Online Articles[]
Dirty Bomb Threat[]
Could detonate at any moment
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Anti-terrorism police battled angry residents and public opinion as they shut bridges and tunnels in an effort to protect freedom and democracy after an Internet rumor blog warned of an impending dirty bomb attack in Liberty City. Civil liberties groups, upset since the recent repeal of the Fourth Amendment was deemed necessary to save the country, decried the closures as an overreaction.
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Crime Up, Foreigners to Blame. Again[]
No surprises in new report
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Only the terminally unobservant have failed to notice the remarkable rise in violent crime in Liberty City over the past few weeks and months. And only weak-minded liberals are afraid to discuss the causes of this crime wave - immigration. As usual, the liberal elite are banging on about the causes of crime - our right to bear arms, not immigration. Anyone with half a brain knows gun control should be relaxed in this city immediately so people can defend themselves from the border jumpers.
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How Could This Bee?[]
Foul mouthed kids ruin family entertainment
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We've all covertly mouthed something to someone, such as "Let's get out of here," or "I'm going to kill you," or "Hurry, before my husband gets back." But lip reading isn't just important for communicating quests for infidelity. It is a fundamental part of the academic process, and this year it was being celebrated at the inaugural Lip Reading Bee.
Unfortunately, what should have been an afternoon of wholesome family entertainment, ended in scandal and therapy. Parents and organizers were horrified at what is being called the "C word event" after an angry student took out frustrations on the judges whom he also called pedophiles.
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Goldberg Gunned Down[]
Lawlessness he encouraged claims lawyer
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So-called civil rights activist, Tom Goldberg, was the victim of a gruesome murder facilitated by laws he pushed for as a partner in the law firm Goldberg, Ligner and Shyster. The firm is famous for trying to stand up for so-called civil rights, weak on terror, wooly on immigration and far too Draconian on gun control. Mayor Julio Ochoa's liberal agenda is not giving Liberty City the protection it needs in this climate of anarchy.
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Extreme Terror Alert![]
Charcoal 8!
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The city is in the throes of chaos as the National Office of Security Enforcement increased the terror threat level in Liberty City to a new height. N.O.O.S.E has created the Charcoal 8 Level in order to bridge the gap between the Red High 7 risk level and Black Severe 9. At Charcoal 8, citizens should be wary of the new forms of attack becoming open to the twenty-first-century terrorist in addition to all of the other means in his arsenal.
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Under Attack!!![]
Time to Panic.
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Again, Liberty City shakes with the sound of a large explosion. In response, our liberal Mayor, Julio Ochoa, has raised the terror threat level back to Black 8. Residents of South Bohan would have been better off with a warning yesterday, Mr. Mayor. A Russian immigrant, Kenny Petrovic, owns the garage. Mr. Petrovic was unable to comment as we went to the press. Why terrorists chose to target this business, we know not. But this does illustrate the point that no one is safe. The enemy can just as easily attack a privately-owned business as a national institution.
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Open Bridges An Open Door to Death[]
More bad decisions
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Officials in Liberty City announced yesterday that the river crossings between Algonquin and Alderney may reopen shortly. The Hickey Bridge and Booth Tunnel have been closed recently due to the terror alert the city has been living under intermittently the last few years. Is it me or is this just another example of the liberal pinkos who run that awful city bending over and letting terrorists give them one where the sun don't shine? Nothing gives our enemies strength like realizing that we are not on 24-hour full-time alert and lockdown. If we don't cavity search every man, woman and child in that town right now, they deserve to die.
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Driving the Public Nuts?[]
Global warming hoax leads to increase in hybrid sales
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Proving that hype overpowers sensibility, local residents have been flocking to hybrids such as the Karin Dilettante. Climate change is natural and has been happening since the Earth was created 6,500 years ago, say leading petroleum scientists. Volcanoes and animal flatulence create much more warming than the 3.5 billion cars burning oil each day.
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Homosexual Homicide[]
Gays and Crime, the full story
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Just when the homosexual community had gained a smatter of respectability by parodying themselves in reality TV shows and sitcoms, then go and ruin it for themselves. The death of Evan Moss, amateur body builder, drug addict and cum receptacle for "Gay" Tony Prince, got himself killed in the most brutal of fashions. This just goes to show that a deviant lifestyle will lead to an unfashionably early arrival at the sodomites' party in Hell.
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Deputy Mayor Stands Up for Family Values[]
Freedom from gays?
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At least someone amongst the bunch of liberals, degenerates and immigrant lovers in Liberty City's governing team understands the problems our society faces. Deputy Mayor Dawkins made an intelligent and impassioned speech yesterday in which he stood up for family values and against the liberal monopoly on ideas. His ideas were simple - so simple five year old could understand them - and that's the kind of idea that made this country great and that our enemies hate.
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