Jill Von Crastenburg is a character who is mentioned in Grand Theft Auto IV.
Background and personality
Jill Von Crastenburg was born in Liberty City, into the Von Crastenburg Family, one of the richest families in the world. Jill is a parody of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (but as a teenager). She is the best friend of Cloe Parker, Since her 11th birthday, she has been internationally famous for her extreme wealth and presence on the Liberty City party circuit. When she was 12, she was sent to 15 expensive private schools at the same time after she could walk again after her father gave her diamond miners for her 12th birthday. She is frequently hounded by paparazzi - the most outlandish examples include her being told to re-enact a tantrum because cameramen were not at the scene, and media attention for her doing the most mundane activities (buying STD cream in a Downtown Los Santos supermarket), according to Our Own Reality, Jill is apparently one of the world's most photographed celebrities and suffers from an unspecified eating disorder. She is extremely spoiled and self-absorbed. Jill has suffered from a nervous breakdown (in which she was placed into a psych ward for observation, though it was speculated that this was just a publicity stunt for her upcoming reality show)
In early 2008, she began a three-week relationship with Cuban baseball player Ernesto Asaltacunas. At the beginning of GTA IV she left him for a new boyfriend, and a sex tape was released of her cheating on him by giving oral sex to an Opium Nights valet, as her boyfriend paid the bar tab in the very next room. The tape quickly circulated on Electric Tit but was removed from the site.
Although not seen during the actual game, Jill Von Crastenburg is using the website Bleeter and her bleets can be read on it where she wonders if she's grown up too fast and if 18 is too early to retire.
There is a hotel in Los Santos called "Von Crastenburg Hotel". She, along with her family, might own it, however this is unconfirmed. Her name appears on one of the many stars on the sidewalk of Downtown Vinewood.
By most sources she is only 13 years old during GTA IV, though her sexual activity, popularity among the internet porn crowd and admittance to bars makes this highly unlikely. According to Our Own Reality she is a college dropout, but they confirm that she is still in her teens.
Assuming that she is 13, she is most likely a caricature of modern children (especially wealthy and famous) growing up too fast. The scenario is also likely meant to poke fun at the unhealthy sexual images of Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus and the Olsen Twins, while they were still under 18. Pedophilia is a topic discussed in the game.
Fame and wealth
The Von Crastenburg Family own many large homes. One of the many residences is a 45 bedroom mansion along in Westdyke, Alderney. It is on Owl Creek Ave, next door to Jill's best friend Cloe Parker. Jill's own bedroom features murals of erotic fairy tales (i.e. "Robin Hood taking it in the can from the big bad wolf") painted by celebrity artists Simon & Nigel, and she owns a flying rabbit as a pet. Despite amassing one of the largest fortunes in the world, the Von Crastenburgs do not pay taxes by claiming to practice their religion inside their house, according to I'm Rich.
Jill is also set to host a new reality TV show titled America's Sexiest Terrorist.
LCPD Database information
Surname: Von Crastenburg
First Name: Jill
Place of Birth: Algonquin, Liberty City
- 2006 - Possession Controlled Substance: Cocaine
- 2007 - Public Lewdness
- Rich heiress and Algonquin socialite.
- Regular on the Liberty City party circuit.
- History of drug and alcohol abuse.
- Recently had a nervous breakdown.
- Suffers from eating disorders
- A sex tape, believed to feature Von Crastenburg, was recently circulated on the internet.
- Jill Von Crastenburg is slightly based on Paris Hilton with her family being well known for their hotels.
- She is the only minor listed in the LCPD Database.
- Jill can be seen on the right-side of the I'm Rich billboard in Star Junction.
- She attended Bullworth Academy at some point in her life.
- She is apparently one of the most photographed celebrities in the world.
- Her family, the Von Crastenburgs, are said to be morally destitute and don't pay any taxes, making them super rich.
- She's best friends with Cloe Parker, despite the fact that Cloe is eleven years older than her.
- Jill is one of two minors to appear in the series, the others being Mary-Beth Williams.