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Jockcranley.com

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jockcranley.com is the website for San Andreas governor candidate, Jock Cranley, in Grand Theft Auto V.

About Jock

My name is Jock Cranley

If you're over the age of 40, you probably remember me from the hit 1980s television show " Stunt Double " where my character performed amazing stunts while solving crimes that always happened inexplicably near the movie set in the show.

I died for a living on TV. It was a life of leading ladies and danger. But now my leading lady is lady liberty, the danger is what liberals are doing to this country, and I want to be your Governor.

Who do you trust to lead the state in the right direction?

A stuffed shirt with years of study and training behind him and an understanding of civics, or a man who has jumped out of a flaming car careening over a cliff onto a hang glider? I thought so.

San Andreas has been to hell and back. I have too.

I used to spend my Sunday mornings finishing off the cocaine from Saturday night.

- Now I go to church.

I used to attend group sex parties.

- Now I believe masturbation is adultery.

I used to smoke on television, and exploit my fame and personal wealth to lure college students to hotel rooms.

- Now I use my acting skills in politics.

Jock's Pledges

Our great nation has been sold down the river.

And yes, that's a deliberate allusion to slavery, because that's what we've become: slaves to taxation, regulation, and over-spending.

It reminds me of an episode of Stunt Double that we shot in a theme park where I fought a couple of professional wrestlers-turned-counterfeiters on the log flume. San Andreas is now a majority minority state.

As governor, I promise to fight for every citizen of San Andreas, and to fight particularly hard for the underdog - the white god fearing heterosexual that this country now hates.

Jock Cranley is...

pro Constitution

Apart from the separation of church and state bit.

pro family values

Now I believe masturbation is adultery.

pro life

Now I use my acting skills in politics.

pro freedom of speech

So long as you're not talking shit about America.

Jock Cranley also refers to himself in the third person a lot.

Patriot Test

The patriot test is to determine if you are a true patriot or not.

Gallery

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