"I'll keep wearing black until something darker comes along."

— Konstantinos Smith

Konstantinos Smith is a parody of a stereotyped "goth". He tells Maurice Chavez, on VCPR, things like, "The world is a lie, man. Only darkness is truth." He mentions that he had never been out in open sunlight in upwards of 18 years and that he spends his weekends at graveyards. Maurice calls him a "manically depressed loonie with anemia." He later puts a hex on Maurice Chavez, at the request of Jeremy Robard.

He is voiced by occultist Konstantinos, who is credited as his website domain Konstantinos.com