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"Before he had a columm, he had another man's wife." Horatio Nelson, played by Mitch Dexter, arrives in Naples a hero in 1798. However, the only attention he seeks is from the woman who'd poked out his eye five years earlier: the alluring Emma Hamilton. Both are married, but Nelson has been at sea for so long he'd bone his own mother, and Emma has a real thing for celebrities, even toothless celebrities with only one arm. Plus it turns out that her husband William likes to watch, which means it's a green light all round, except for Nelson's dutiful wife back in England, so he dispatches a killer to end her life. And so begins a torrid love affair, and creepy ménage a trois, that becomes one of the biggest scandals of the time. By 1805, however, their sex life is dead... Emma has binged her way to obesity and Nelson can no longer get his column up. It was a common hunger for fame and adventure that first ignited the spark between them, and Lady Hamilton knows there's only one way to spice things up in the bedroom again. Blood! "One more battle, Horatio, one more battle". And we all know how well that went... or at least we would if they taught anything other than revisionist Civil War history in American high schools.
Comments on Classicvinewood.com
- boobyruby - "You can keep your rom-com mush. This is a real love story." - 8/10 stars
- wallyjig8 - "I used to have such a crush on Pamela Drake the chick who plays Lady Hammilton's scullery maid." - 5/10 stars
- filmnazi11 - "What else has Mitch Dexter been in?" - 5/10 stars
- scummington - "I kinda get off on the fat Emma." - 7/10 stars
- rollpreviz - "Dexter got buried in B-movies. They still wheel him out at award ceremonies now and again. He's been dining out on Nelson in Naples for the last 45 years." - 3/10 stars
- quipsmith77 - "You can totally see his other arm." - 2/10 stars
- harpygreg - "I've seen Pamela Drake panhandling on the streets of Los Santos. No joke. That old bitch is batshit crazy." - 0/10 stars
- In the mission Mr. Richards, the phrase "See, the ships are coming in, but the walls will hold us!" that Solomon Richards says to Michael, is from Nelson in Naples.
- The actress that plays Lady Hamilton's scullery maid, Pamela Drake, can be found in Vinewood Boulevard, reciting phrases from her old movies and seeking attention.