Suemurry.com

The front page of the website

Suemurry.com is the website for San Andreas governor candidate Sue Murry in Grand Theft Auto V.

Who Is Sue Murry

Sue Murry is you. You in a pantsuit. An every woman. A hard-working single mother of two with a nanny, of course, and a well-meaning pillar of her community. Someone who sees the injustice and inequality all around her and wants to do something about it. A politician. A liberal who knows what conservatives want. She wears pants because she's too busy to shave. She's also going to start talking in the first person.

I spent 15 hard, happy years working as a teacher in the San Andreas school system, an experience that improved me in so many ways, I treat everyone like children in my class. I interrupt. I speak way too loudly. I patronize, speaking slowly like you have the brain of a fourth grader. I liked being surrounded by uneducated juveniles who despised and feared me. So I got into politics. A school classroom is a microcosm of society. There is the bully. There is the girl who is developing faster than she should and making everyone uncomfortable. There's the nerd. And the whole thing descends into a shit-flinging rat's nest of greed, sexual frustration, bullying and prejudice. Just like Congress. That's where I come in.

I'm just a normal middle class girl who married an obscenely rich man and stood up for what she deserved in divorce court. Do I feel guilty sometimes? Of course, that's what motivates me. Would I pay an additional 30% in taxes if I could? In a heartbeat, and I'm committed to investing an equivalent amount in a campaign that supports the necessary fiscal reforms to make that happen. 30% means nothing to me - and it shouldn't to you either. If you love something, you give it money. I told my ex-husband that all the time. And then I caught him with the housekeeper. Like any woman, I turned off the faucet of sex after the contract was signed. And now I'm ready to sign a contract with our great state and be your next governor.

A campaign that will fight to...

• Raise income tax on the wealthiest to 82.5 percent including myself.

• Impose a minimum wage on bankers and CEOs, including my ex-husband.

• Ban plastic water bottles, shopping bags, disposable diapers, non-recycable prophylactics and take out containers.

• Reach out to liberal celebrities to get them involved in politics and / or swinging parties.

• Children are our future and half of them are in prison. Let's close the prisons for good.

• Ban the sale of gasoline and the use of gasoline-powered cars.

• Criminalize all firearms and replace knives with sporks.

• Make every workplace an equal playing field - no bosses. Let the group decide.

• Stop single women from being excluded from car key parties.

• Replace all toilets with composting commodes.

• Ban public prayer and military recruitment propaganda.

• Free all nonviolent offenders from prison, except white collar criminals.

• Make the sale and use of tobacco a criminal offense.