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"*In many ways, wives are like stocks. You get them while they're vulnerable, ride them till they peak, then dump them for a volatile young start-up. No hard feelings, Cynthia."
Karl Kelly on Lifeinvader


Cynthia Kelly is a finance editor for Weazel News in Grand Theft Auto V.

Biography

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She was married to Karl Kelly, but at one point or another, they broke up.

Reports

WeazelNews-GTAV-EyefindLogo
Security Agencies go head-to-head for funding
Cynthia Kelly - Weazel News
They are often described as the "twin pillars of our national security“, but now the FIB and the IAA have found a new enemy — each other. Following calls for balanced budgets and a proposed reduction in defense and security funding, both agencies have been lobbying hard in the Capital recently to explain why their budget should stay intact. FIB spokesman Gary Lane told anyone who would listen “reducing our budget now would be crazy. It would be how a crazy person would act. And the person who did it would probably discover that not only were they crazy, but also all of their dirty secrets were suddenly made public so even/one could decide if this is the kind of country we want to live in - one run by a crazy person with a mistress or two." International Afiairs Agency spokesperson Lucinda Jacob said "presidents that have tried to stop the IAA from performing our duty in ways we see fit have tended to wind up having their heads blown off. No. I'm only joking. Come on? Who can't take a joke’! The point is this - every day you're not killed by terrorists or communists is a day you should give thanks to the IAA. We love this country. We love everything it stands for, like freedom and apple pie and things like that. We will repress any freedoms necessary to keep you free and fed on apple pie, or something like that. Listen, we need to keep our funding. It's that or someone is going to get you in the can." Both agencies criticized the other and blamed them for America's problems domestically and overseas. Neither would do so on the record.