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Ernesto Asaltacunas

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"9 inches, 7 houses, 28 cars... I've always been about the stats and I'm all in favor of anything that encourages my fans to watch me more closely. I love the fact that grown men now fantasize about me just as much as the young girls. It's a turn-on..."
―Ernesto, on

Ernesto Asaltacunas is a character in Grand Theft Auto IV.


Ernesto Asaltacunas, born in Santa Clara, Cuba, is the star power pitcher for the Liberty Swingers and has a history of dating very young girls, including thirteen year old heiress Jill Von Crastenburg. It is implied that Asaltacunas is a pedophile. He has been arrested on two occasions: in 2005 for a criminal sex act on a minor and then in 2006 for possession of a controlled substance (namely steroids). He was also caught with child pornography, although charges were later dropped, and was the central figure in a 2006 doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.

Asaltacunas is partially a parody of twin brothers Jose Canseco and Ozzie Canseco, both Cuban baseball players who used steroids (but never accused of pedophilia). Jose, more notably, was also part of a steroid scandal in 2005 after he accused Mark McGwire and other former teammates of steroid use in his autobiography.

LCPD Database record

First Name:Ernesto
Place of Birth:Santa Clara, Cuba
  • N/A
Criminal Record:
  • 2005 - Criminal Sexual Act: Minor
  • 2006 - Possession Controlled Substance: Steroids

  • Star Power Pitcher for the Liberty Swingers.
  • History of dating very young girls.
  • Believed to have had a relationship with teen heiress Jill Von Crastenburg.
  • Caught in the possession of child pornography but charges were dropped.
  • Central figure in a 2006 doping scandal at the Liberty Swingers.


  • Asaltacunas means "Cradle Robber" in Spanish and is a slang term referring people who date or have sexual relations with people under 18, ironically referring to his pedophilia.


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