Leslie Mitchell is a journalist for Weazel News in Grand Theft Auto IV. They write many articles for Weazel News' website www.weazelnews.com.
Online Articles[]
Jingoism Act Renewed[]
"The Mayor and members of City Council are planning a parade to celebrate the next chapter in American freedom: the renewal and expansion of the Jingoism Act." |
Terrorists Told To Eat Shit[]
"In a bold and courageous move by city and federal officials, bridges and tunnels will be closed indefinitely while officials root out what is rumored to be a terror cell in Liberty City. While activists and other un-Americans have questioned the war on terror, to those who have died at the hands of police during protests, it is quite clear. "These terrorists want to take away our freedoms. But look, we've done it for them. Ha. We win. You lose. Eat my shit terrorists. Yeah, you like that? Do you? Daddy is in charge," said Deputy Mayor Bryce Dawkins. Income from tolls has dropped to zero, and officials say that bankruptcy is a small price to pay for safety. The stock market won't crash." |
Terrorists Given Green Light by Liberals to Blow Up Bridge[]
"So, they've opened the bridge and tunnel into Algonquin from Alderney? What a pathetic liberal copout! Allow people their freedom? We'll be free when we all dead at this rate. The fact is that terrorists use bridges to cross rivers and to kill innocent lives. Families will die because of this - we are at war, and when you're at war, you should suffer." |
Who's Going To Kerry Me Home This Time?[]
"The Kerry McIntosh self-destruction rollercoaster, that has increased circulation and replaced real news for weeks now, spiraled out of control yet again last night when the supermodel checked herself out of a luxury rehab spa in Los Santos only three days into her four-day program. Less than an hour after telling paparazzi that she had been "humbled by the recovery experience," McIntosh was jacked up on a cocktail of booze, pills and coke and crashed her car into the side of a Wigwam Burger restaurant." |
Bryce Dawkins Was Closet Liberal[]
"Disgraced sinner, Bryce Dawkins, was hiding a terrible secret. He lived a double life. In public, he was a staunch hang 'em and flog 'em conservative, but in private, he was a filthy liberal. The fact is Mr. Dawkins was not as conservative as he made out. He even owned a passport. Most terrorists own passports, as do many drug dealers." |