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Lonely Hearts

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Lonely Hearts is, circa 1992, a call-in radio show hosted by Christy MacIntyre. The show is aired on West Coast Talk Radio.

The show focuses on MacIntyre offering relationship and dating advice to her callers. However, since MacIntyre herself has never been in a relationship before (causing her to get mocked by a student of the high school she went to for her romantic thoughts), her advice is usually unhelpful and harmful. This is shown when she recommends a woman abused by her drug-addicted husband to stay with him, as MacIntyre claims "you're only lonely when you're alone", before proceeding to call the woman a "homewrecker" and a "selfish bitch". MacIntyre also attempts to flirt with a man who's wife is in a coma, basking over the story of a woman who sent her lover a gazelle's heart before burning down his business after he called the police, and insulting a woman who is in love with a cannibalistic serial killer.

During the first session of the show, Jizzy B. calls into Lonely Hearts, telling listeners to go down to the Pleasure Domes club to hang out with him and his hookers, causing Christy to hang his call up after stating "that's not the way Lonely Hearts works at all". During the second show, Zero calls in looking for a girl to date him as he no longer want to be celibate, before being kicked off as well.

Fernando Martinez, a man Christy once known from a funeral, calls into the show asking if Christy remembers him, which causes her to try get him to leave her alone. However, Fernando manages to hijack the show during it's third session by torching her car, which he claims he did due to Christy's unhelpful advice. The show ends with Christy being seduced by Fernando, causing them to make out on air.

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