Lori Williams-Jones is a minor character in the Grand Theft Auto series who can be heard on the Just or Unjust show on WKTT Radio in Grand Theft Auto IV.
She is voiced by Chelsea Peretti.
History[]
Background[]
Lori Williams-Jones, as of 2008, had been married to her husband, Chuck Williams-Jones, for two years. They have an unknown number of children.
Events of Grand Theft Auto IV[]
Around the time of Just or Unjust's broadcast on WKTT, she had become angry about the amount of time her husband, Chuck, had been spending playing the fantasy computer game Loot and Wank. She claims that Chuck would sometimes play the game until 2 a.m., and after coming to bed would "grab her ass" and "treat her like a troll" while saying "two damage, two damage". Despite this, Lori says that she till loves her husband, but wants him to know "I'm not an avatar!"
Upon hearing the claim, Judge Grady immediately tells Lori that she is an avatar, and the reason her husband was playing so much time playing Loot and Wank was because she "got fat and stopped being sexy". He advises her to do something positive by getting plastic surgery.
Chuck makes his counter-argument next, immediately stating that he thinks his wife is possessed by Satan, mainly down to the facts that "she doesn't refill the ice tray, she hates my parents, she stopped giving me head, she spends all my money and thinks she's doing me a massive fucking favor sending out Christmas cards". After Judge Grady asks about the Williams-Jones' hyphenated surname, Chuck states that it was Lori's idea, as he was born Chuck Williams; he went along with her because he thinks it's fair, as merging surnames "comes from a time when women were considered property." He instead claims that "women are defective and misbegotten, but I don't own her" while adding on that he "would like to own a human being some day", particularly a "young, nubile, Filipino boy who can sit in my tropical hut and play games and decide who does what by playing hands-free catch the quarter."
Judge Grady butts in to say that hyphenating his surname has turned Chuck into "half a man", and asks if he now pees sitting down, to which Chuck awkwardly replies that he does, though he also says that he has to agree to ensure he can still get laid. Lori backs this by telling Judge Grady that they have an equal household. She states that Chuck "wears tampons whenever I do so that we may both experience the same burden when I'm on my flow."
At this point, Judge Grady takes the side of Chuck, simply because he is a man, going on to add "you know who has made the most money throughout history? The man. Who have been the great leaders? Men. Maybe you had Cleopatra, but Egyptians live in triangles, tetrahedrons and shit; a triangle is not manly. Who fought the best wars? Men. Who makes the best murderers? Men. Who invented the plague? Men. Following this rant, he asks Lori "so what if he wants to come home and spend time online with his guild and pleasure elves, running around with his Orcy friends? Let him."
Lori next begins to argue that Chuck needs to spend more time with their children, because they "depend on us, we should be protecting, coddling our children, never letting them out of our sight, electronic tags on them at all times, making them paranoid and neurotic." After also adding that it's the future, Judge Grady turns to Chuck, asking him where his Jetpack is, to which he replies "I don't have one, Your Honor." Judge Grady tells him this is correct because "technology is a lie sent by Liberals to kill us, apart from weapons technology which we use to kill other people." He asks Lori if she has ever had a three-way, which she replies "no Your Honor, it is revolting."
After further disagreement, Lori finally breaks, telling the judge that "This is insulting. This is a court of law. All that you've given me is a lot of dog penis and woman hating. What is wrong with you Judge Grady?" He lets her know that this isn't a courtroom, it's a studio, and that he is more interested in ratings than justice. After apparently pleasuring himself under his robe while watching Lori argue, he returns to his quarters to make judgement.
Upon returning, Judge Grady has Chuck tell Lori "I love you baby, and I will always remember, how good this felt" before telling him to "smack that bitch", to which Chuck duly agrees, slapping Lori across the face. Judge Grady laughs, conceding that this was just for his pleasure as he "loves domestic violence". Moving onto the real judgement, Judge Grady says that the courtroom audience names the game, and the plaintiff and defendant have to play it. The audience chooses a duel, meaning both Chuck and Lori get given a gun to kill the other with. Before Judge Grady can finish his next sentence, Chuck immediately picks up his gun, calls Lori a "stupid whore", then shoots her, killing her immediately. Judge Grady is annoyed by this, as he still has three minutes to kill before the ad-break. Because of this, he sentences Chuck to 30 days prison time, so that he can "think about what you did to my ratings."