This functional ground floor property used to be a soup kitchen, and repossessing that kind of attack on American values isn't just business for us - it's pleasure. Now available for purchase by a patriotic entrepreneur or kingpin, this place will be serving the community again in no time.
Don't just sit there gorging on welfare and compassion. Take a stand for the trickle down economy today. Plunge capital back into your community. Buy up every last derelict and turn it into a living, breathing, buzzing hive of fugitives and meth heads. It's time to be the change, people.
If you're looking for somewhere that's off the beaten path you just found it: miles from anywhere, deemed hazardous by the Los Santos Building Standards Commission, and the last occupants died in murder-suicide pact. How many reassurances of total privacy do you need?
We all thought there was a rock bottom, but nope, it turns out the value of a place like this just falls and falls! Get in here before we burn it for kicks. The authorities just want to forget it exists, so go wild.
You know a property must be something really special when the previous occupants have such a hard time letting go. You just can't fake that kind of helpless desperation and rage, and in a world as cynical as this that's the best review of all.
The locals assumed it was abandoned, but in fact this spacious warehouse was the heart and soul of the Los Santos snuff industry for years. Now tax hikes are forcing those pioneering filmmakers out of business, so this is your chance to buy your way under the radar and stay there for good.
You might assume this is a glass-half-empty kind of place, but the people of Paleto believe the glass is actually half full of cut-price real estate, disenfranchised workers and raw opportunity. That's right, this dingy storage unit is a step towards a brighter future for us all.
Paleto Bay Clubhouse
68 Paleto Boulevard
Sure, coastal small town America has mile after mile of foreclosed retail premises within fifty feet of a church and a gun store, so why choose this one? Well ask yourself this: can you think of a better way to blend in and disappear? Act now before it stops making sense.
The repo guys who raided this place died of smallpox three days later, which is almost certainly a coincidence and has in no way affected the valuation of the property. And hey, worst case scenario, you couldn't pay for a more robust security system.
This little gem is nestled so snugly in the heart of longstanding urban squalor that we'd forgotten it was even on our books. As far as we can tell it's not on any property register, so just give us the cash and make it disappear.
You know times are tough when not even a million hipsters getting a tattoo of a swallow in flight on their taint could save this place from going under. Bad news for those who wanted to follow up with that bold yet simple triangle design, but the rock bottom pricetag is good news for you.
The player is able to choose a wide variety of customization options for the clubhouse. Once every item is selected, a total amount will be shown so the player can ensure the options are affordable for their saved money and confirm.
How many symbols of sex, attitude and self-destruction can you fit onto a single brick wall using only acrylic paints and spit? Dare to dream, and you'll surprise yourself.
To the untrained eye it might look like a scuzzy pit, but it takes a lot of money and talent to get a pit looking this scuzzy. Hand craft your levels of grime with custom walls, floors, hangings and furnishings.
Two different options for Wall Style, Wall Hanging and Furniture Option. Option A usually have a traditional look and are free, while option B, although expensive, are more modern and gives the clubhouse a better look.
Wall Style B: $138,000
Wall Hanging B: $98,000
Furniture Option B: $164,000
Total for all features selected in Option B: $400,000
A picture is worth a thousand words, so an obscene doodle masquerading as a catchy logo is probably worth about a million pictures. Or something like that.
The option to add an emblem on free spaces in the walls, usually near staircases and hallways.
You've worked long and hard and hot and sweaty on a name that would offend as many people as possible, so make sure it gets the showcasing it deserves.
Options to name the player's club, different fonts to select and eight available colors for the same.
An artisan only needs his best tools. Take your signature weaponry with you and leave the rest in the security of a locked safe guarded by the drug-addled murderers and psychos you call friends.
A gun locker that allows the player to store weapons that are not needed, similarly to the ones in offices.
Custom Bike Shop
You're a patron of the arts, and supporting local craftsmen is what you're all about. So, if you don't give this guy's location to the feds he'll squat in your garage and mod your rides for the fair market price plus a lungful of draw and the occasional bucket of oats.
Ever wanted to give something back to the untouched woodlands that have given you so much peace and joy? Have you considered a thousand tons of concrete and titanium? If you're looking for that elusive dovetail between crazy militarism and environmental diligence, you found it.
Raton Canyon is a federally protected wilderness area, which all but guarantees the kind of peace and solitude your newly converted missile silo deserves. Plus, when the recycled air is making you nauseous, you can pop up for a lungful of the purest breeze in the state.
Nestled among the sand dunes, enjoying year-round sunshine, the pacific gently breaking just a few strides away... If you can ignore the constant earthquake warnings and the threat of flooding, this is as close to paradise as a subterranean bunker is going to get.
I know what you're thinking. Who cares about sea views when you're fifty feet underground in a hermetically sealed nuke-proof bunker? Well just remember. It doesn't need to make any sense to add a fat premium to the resale value. This is how you climb the ladder.
Amid all this talk of the death of small-town America, it's important to remember that somewhere like Grapeseed has an advantage over the big city: there's plenty of space for the one percent to build subterranean lairs in preparation for the apocalypse. Hey, the heartlands aren't going to rejuvenate themselves.
On one side, you hear the bubbling stream of the Zancudo River taking its share of bloated corpses from the Alamo Sea to the coast; on the other, the distant sound of whooping and gunfire from nearby Harmony. And beneath your feet a sprawling nuclear fortress. Welcome to Eden.
If you're a budding survivalist looking for a decent simulation of a nuclear wasteland, you could do a lot worse than the Grand Senora Desert. This cozy property was originally built as an end-of-the-world shelter and general hangout for a cryptocurrency pioneer - and if that doesn't scream 'high build quality' what does?
Due to high levels of unexplained radiation, the Grand Senora Desert is home to varieties of flora, fauna and underground bunker seen nowhere else on the planet. And this baby is triple-lined with tinfoil all the way round, so you're definitely safe.
Like any other phase of the property market, Armageddon is really all about location. On the one hand you want the perfect seclusion of the desert. On the other hand, you want to be able to stagger to a 24/7 without dragging your knuckles through too much fallout. Well, look no further: on both counts, this lovely prospect in Blaine County is all set for the mushroom cloud.
The Grand Senora ecosystem comes in three tiers: the wannabe hippies staging a made up fire festival; the roaming gangs of mutants who prey on them for sustenance and sport; and the paranoid software tycoon hoarding enough underground munitions to start World War 3. That's right, you're the top of the food chain.
There aren't many interior designers willing to take on a sprawling cavern hewn directly out of rock - but there's at least one, and in his occasional lucid moments he had a few ideas. You might as well feel at home: you could be down here for a long time.
Option 1: default
Option 2: $215,000
Option 3: $290,000
If you're going to sleep soundly through nuclear Armageddon you're going to need a cot and somewhere to change into your hazmat suit.
Never mind foraging, procuring fresh drinking water or treating injuries: when the world ends in San Andreas, your top priority should be working on your aim.
As the walls start to close in and you become increasingly afraid to go outside, being light on your feet is going to be a priority. Take and leave whatever firepower you need in this personal weapon storage unit.
There are probably several excellent reasons why a modified golf caddy is the time-honored choice for getting around in your subterranean lair.