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- Reni: "Darling, he wants me dead!"
- Vic: "Who?"
- Reni: "Diego Mendez! That's who! Because I put you in contact with Ricardo Diaz! He said it was disloyal of me! Not as disloyal as him! Two-timing me with that tramp!"
- Vic: "Woah! Wait! You guys were an item?"
- Reni: "Yes, yes...But I could not deal with him. He talked too much."
So Long Schlong is a mission in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories given to protagonist Victor Vance by avant garde film director Reni Wassulmaier from the InterGlobal Films Studios on Prawn Island, Vice City.
Reni is about to get his fourth sex change but Diego Mendez is unhappy that she introduced Victor to Ricardo Diaz, saying it was disloyal. Mendez' goons are about to arrive in the InterGlobal Films course to kill him but she decides to drive and find a way to the hospital while Victor takes care of the Mendez' goons at the InterGlobal course. When around twenty of the Mendez' goons are killed, Reni messages Victor via pager informing him about having been caught somewhere near The Malibu Club in Vice Point. Victor then gets in a car and drives over to the place and helps Reni clear out all the attacking enemies. The duo then escape in another car while being attacked by drive-by's of the Mendez' goons. Victor then luckily ends up taking Reni to the hospital without any harm from the Mendez' goons.
In order to complete the mission the player must:
- Don't let Mendez's goons search the film lot and discover Reni has gone
- Save Reni - he's near the Malibu Club
- Kill Mendez's goons
- Take Reni to the hospital
- Reni's voice changes to a much manlier voice during the shootout.
- If you've purchased all the Empire Building sites, after picking up Reni stop at the nearest one and transfer to one of your vehicles, now bulletproof, to make the ride to the hospital less hazardous.
- After Reni tells you to save her via the pager, head to the place where the shootout will take place, do not enter the gate or else the cutscene will take place, just wait until Reni dies and the mission fails, you can get 2 all-proof Sentinel XS and Reni's special Comet.
- The name of this mission is a clear pun on Reni's sex change, from man to woman.