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The Séance

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The Séance is one of the Public Liberty Radio shows. It is hosted by Beatrix Fontaine, a fraudulent psychic who offers nonsensical advice to her callers via "The Spirit Line" in an attempt to steal their credit card details.


  • The first guest is Martina, who is worried about her boyfriend. Beatrix tells her she once led a powerful army and is worshipped as a god. Beatrix tells her she's going to marry a really rich man, but Beatrix asks her for her credit card details, saying that her credit card has bounced. She tells Beatrix everything on air, which Beatrix will keep 'very secure'. She then tells Martina that she will marry a man who owns a lot of diamonds, and says that she should join an online dating service and sleep with many men until she finds her "prince." Before ending the reading, she tells Martina that her boyfriend had a brother he never knew about and, because of this, his life will be "marred by failure."
  • The second caller is Michael, who is having trouble at work because he listens to Beatrix's show. After incorrectly guessing his name as "Bob," she speaks to Michael's uncle (whose name is also Michael) and tells him that he was named after Saint Michael and that he is a product of incest between his mother and her brother. After this, Beatrix tells (the caller) Michael that his uncle says he is the chosen one and must complete a quest, but in order to find out what it is, Michael must call Beatrix's premium rate every day and that the future of the world depends on it.
  • The third caller's name is Candi (sp?). Beatrix starts off the conversation by incorrectly guessing that she is a Virgo. After Candi says that she is a Gemini, Beatrix says that she had Virgo rising, but Candi tells her that she had Libra rising. Beatrix then proceeds to tell Candi that the position of her zodiac explains why Candi experiences "deep melancholy and heart piercing grief" and why she sleeps with strangers. When Candi tells her that she had a troubled childhood, Beatrix tells her that her parents did not understand her because they were aliens and that Candi is an alien hunter who had her memory wiped, and that she has a recurring dream of giving birth to an alien. Beatrix then tells her that everything will be okay if she buys 20 of her book. When Candi starts to be skeptical, the line hangs up abruptly, with Beatrix blaming it on "bad connection." This implies that Candi's credit card was charged for the books before she could resist, adding to Beatrix's fraudulent behavior.
  • The fourth guest is an unnamed male. He starts off the conversation by furiously attacking Beatrix's credibility, saying that he should not have to pay for the service if she truly has a gift. After his outburst, Beatrix tells him that he owned a tavern in Krakow, Poland 500 years ago, which entices the caller. Beatrix then goes into a vision, telling the caller that he and an unnamed fat man are having an argument, when a woman leaves the tavern shouting. Just as the two men are about to fight, she says that the caller begins to kiss the man he is fighting with along with various other sexual acts, much to the caller's disgust. Beatrix then tells the caller to break up with his girlfriend and tell her what she has told him.
  • The final callers name is most likely Darlene, as Beatrix calls her "darling" (which sounds like Darlene) when she answers the line, and the caller exclaims "Wow! You know my name!" As Beatrix begins her "reading" she tells Darlene that she sees "two eyes" resembling a teddy bear that Darlene owned when she was younger. When Darlene agrees, Beatrix claims that she must have carried this bear around to show people where the "bad woman" touched her. When Darlene doubts this, Beatrix tells her that she is living a terrible lie because, deep down, Darlene is a man and her spirit is upset about being circumcised. Darlene thinks this is absurd, saying that she is not a man because she has breasts. Beatrix tells her that she must be a man because she is self-conscious about the size of her breasts. She ends the call by telling Darlene to go to a biker bar and the some ecstasy so that all will come into focus. Before Beatrix cuts her off, it is hinted that Darlene is pregnant and wanted to ask Beatrix to give readings pertaining to her baby.


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