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- "Give your image a boost by hiring our professional party guests for your next social event"
- ―eyefind.info description
This page tells the reader about Appropriate Associates. It reads "Real relationships are hard to come by in Los Santos. In today's disposable, online, always connected world, social media has cheapened the bond of friendship to the point of irrelevant pictures of breakfast and drunken crotch shots. It's a well known fact that Americans are lonlier now than they've ever been. Getting a "friend" to show up on your Lifeinvader page is one thing but getting the to show up to a party or meaningful event in your life is a different challenge entirely. People just can't be relied on anymore."
The "Our Services" page lists all of the services that the company has to offer. The page reads as below:
We can provide all kinds of friends to your parties:
Fake entertainment executives - get your party guests worked into a lather when they think that you have high profile friends from movie studios and TV networks.
Dizzy skirts - nothing livens up a party like shrieking giggly girls with big tits.
Hipsters - we have unshaven guys and hairy girls so hip they'll talk bands and broken bicycles for hours.
Politicians - many of these guys will show up for free.
Female bodybuilders - often so juiced up they start fights! Hot, weird and VERY sexy (special discount rate).
Cool Mom - we'll have a women (who looks oddly young to be your mom) dazzle your guests with how awesome and cool she is, unlike your real mom who is disappointed in what a shallow turd you are.
Dotcom executives - mingle with people who have figured out how to monatize everyone else's hard work.
Video Game executives - really boring people who never made it in movies and love golf.
Russians - sexy, drunken and great in the snow.
Eskimos - not that sexy but even better in the snow!
Sheiks - useless in the snow.
Southerners - guaranteed to whoop it up and shoot it up.
British - feel sophisticated as pasty faced British blobs mill about and prove what a terrible public education system we have in America.
Dogs - we can supply you with a dog that does tricks.
Lady that has sexy-time with donkey - believe it or not this is one of our biggest requests.
Work For Us
The Work For Us section is basically a careers section. It reads: "Are you young, attractive, shallow, fashionable, over-confident and out of work? Of course you are, this is Los Santos! We're looking for new associates. Get paid to party and talk about yourself. It's the hipster dream! Make up a story about yourself. Lie to strangers. Lie with strangers. Babylon is burning but there's an open bar."
The section then goes on to include a section about a featured associate, Jasper.